This really happened to me, two years ago today. The night before my 31st birthday. I was so amped up after it happened that I had to write it down.

I got home last night around 11 from an normal night as DJ for the local professional baseball team. The team won, it was a good crowd,nothing overly eventful happened. An average evening.

Little did I know, that was all about to change drastically.

Once I arrived home, I'm in the living room,sitting on my couch with the TV on and checking email on my computer. I haven't let my dogs Moxxi and Max inside the house yet. Suddenly, Moxxi starts barking, loudly but not crazy, not unlike she has done before so I disregarded it.

A couple seconds later, the barking gets more feverish, and I hear a loud noise outside. Moxxi is now at the back door, barking and looking up toward the sky, like she was looking at someone looking through the windows on my roof into my living room. I remember wondering if someone was on the roof as I got up to investigate.

By now, Moxxi is going crazy at the back door,jumping like I've never seen her jump before, barking up a storm. As I approach the door to check on her, a figure comes out of the darkness…

Some dude is in my back yard! Not something anyone expects from having their own private back yard in the house they own. I instantly transformed into MOFO mode and yelled "who the F are you!?!?!?! Get the F out of my yard!" The adrenaline is pumping now as I rear up and place a strong kick square in his chest. It was straight out of the movie 300. No hesitation, no pause. Just a quick glance and a strong kick. I kicked him so hard he stumbled back quite a few feet and my shoe flew off.

It felt awesome.

This gave me a split second to get a look at dude.A 5'6" white guy with shoulder length hair, a beanie, white t-shirt,dark pants, looking like a druggie loser. I grabbed him by his spindly bicep with my right hand and squeezed as hard as I could, with my left hand clenched tight, ready to retaliate against any punches from dude. I began to forcefully shove him back out of my yard, with only one shoe on.

It's pitch black as we turn the corner from my back yard to the side yard, and my adrenaline is flowing so hard I'm shaking! I can smell the liquor on him as he's trying to explain what the hell he's doing in my yard at 11pm at night. He's making no sense,rambling how he's looking for his mom, naming names of random people who he thinks I may know, wanting to go inside to check for his mom despite my forceful insistence that this is the wrong house.

I am exerting unbelievable patience as I give him a brief second to try to explain himself. But he's still talking gibberish. He begins almost begging for me to kick his ass, cowering and whining, saying stuff like "kick my ass, rape me, go ahead". Yes, he threw a "rape me"in there…

I'm confused as hell but still scared and holding strong. "What the F are you saying? Shut the hell up and get out of here!" Then he switches his tone again, saying stuff like"Come on homey, you're my ni**a" and trying to act all street cool.Still clenching his arm and trying to wrestle him out of my gate, I yelled back "I am NOT your ni**a…get the fuck off my property, off my street, out of my neighborhood" and shoved him out the gate.

He kind of collected himself and threw a weak punch that hit me in my right eye. I lunged toward him, grabbed him and we tumbled into the garbage cans and fence on my side yard, still on our feet but wrestling for control. Of course I won control. There was no other choice for me.

I stabilized him in a headlock, then proceeded to land a couple vicious uppercuts to his face(I think his forehead, eye, or cheek) that seriously dazed him and he started to back off, apologizing. I kept yelling…"get the F out of here"and he began to retreat, still trying to ramble on about what the hell he was doing in my back yard. I shoved him into my front yard and kept yelling for him to leave. Seemingly defeated, he began to head down the street and I held my ground in my side yard, watching him.

I saw him turn around, cross the street, walk back past my house, then come back toward my house - almost with a second wind. I stepped out to confront him again in front of my neighbor's house. I was yelling at him more to get the hell out of my neighborhood but he was just in his drunken/drugged daze, interrupting with gibberish and not making any sense. He began to approach me again as I was in his way to that precious gate into the back yard – for some crazy reason his Xanadu on this warm evening.

I had a clenched fist,about ready to unload again on the poor dude, when I saw my neighbor Christian, who I'm cool with, (and the only person in my neighborhood whom I know any more than an occasional hello) emerge from his house with a shotgun! Yes, a shotgun.

He came up and the dude cowered but still tried to explain what he was doing here.Neither Christian or I could understand his rambling gibberish, and Christian ran up with a forearm shiver that knocked the dude back into my side fence. Dude got up and Christian cocked his gun and pointed it right at him!

At this point, I'm so amped up I grabbed dude and threw him out into the street to get him the F outta here. I saw him take off down the street, waited until he hadn't comeback for a few minutes, thanked Christian for his backup, and returned into my house, still shaking from the adrenaline. Moxxi and Max are still really spooked, and I can't stop pacing and looking through the front window.

No more than five minutes later, my old friend the ghetto bird is hovering directly above my house, which couldn't have been more than 50 feet overheard. No searchlight (yet) but I can feel the vibrations from the propeller. I head to my front door and there are 5 cop cars on the street; a couple of the officers are already over at Christian's house. I wait outside for them, and then explain everything that just happened.

As I'm talking, the helicopter graces us with the spotlight, and the police finish with their questions.  The scene is calming down but I'm still way amped up! I go back inside and have to take a long, hot shower to try to calm down...it's 230am as I'm writing this, just to get it down on paper and because I can't sleep.

Wow, I can't believe what just happened! Something that I've feared since the day I moved in just happened. I do feel that I handled it admirably, though probably a bit too pensive. Someone who wasn't drunk (maybe just on drugs) may have attacked me and it would have been a lot more difficult of a situation. I gave him the chance to explain himself and stayed cool, calm, and collected. But still fierce! Not bad for my first – and hopefully only – time this happens to me.

I'd always joked with my friends and family that the disfigured gate on the side yard - and the difficulty opening it - was a form of a security feature. Turns out, it really is a true security feature. The loud noise I heard was the gate dragging on the path as dude forced his way into my back yard.

I gave Moxxi some serious quality time after her heroics tonight too. What an amazing dog she is! Truly my best friend…she was scared as hell and her first instincts were to notify me and protect me. Wow!

What else….Oh, my hand kinda hurts from punching dude, and I'm surprised at how powerful of a kick I landed. Not too many people can say they've kicked another person square in their chest 300-style, but I can. Definitely not an ideal situation, but what a crazy night, huh?

One thing I will say about it, it feels good to know that I can be a badass MOFO if I want to – or need to - be. I am normally a chill,laid back guy, but sometimes in life we face situations that we need to fight. I hadn't been in an actual confrontation or had that type of adrenaline rush in a LONG time, and it was a great release. I landed some serious blows to dude's face, took a punch (albeit, a wimpy punch)like nothing, and caught him square in the chest with an effective,strong kick.

No doubt in my mind I could have really messed dude up but my mind once again prevailed over my body. I have always felt that my mind and the control I have over it puts me in a far above average class of humankind. Tonight was a valuable lesson to confirm that for me.